Dream obscene

This is a day for 'Special Needs'. Been listening to it on repeat, over twenty times now I'm sure.

Remember me through flash photography and screams 
Remember me, special dreams 

My sister told me that there is something in my voice that makes her think that I have all the burdens of the world on my shoulders. I don’t feel that way – but I know what she meant. Some words leave wounds that can at first seem deep but will heal with time. I am healing.  After all, for me he will always be only a 

A thunder holds a resemblance to my heart. I sit here staring at the sky waiting for the flashlight. And when it comes I jump a little - and then I wait for the sound.

A teardrop on the corner of my eye leaves a dotted line on my cheek just like the rain does on the window. Every little detail counts.

I am in the eye of the storm.

It's an illusion.

At times I wish he could've been that radical.


And at times I realize what a blessing it is that he wasn't.

How strange life is. This is something that I've found to be the fact of life; it's strange.  I am afraid of writing these lines but I still do write them: nobody really knows what it is. Not thoroughly. It's not necessarily a bad or a sad thing, why couldn't it be a positive thing instead? A little frightening maybe, but if you find something to believe in, I think life can be good. It can be worth of a thousand things, a thousand heartaches and miseries. It can be worth a thousand bad and fucked up things - when there are those good moments, things, minutes. To life for.

You can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Is it really always my fault? I cannot comprehend this all, and all I am left with is this feeling that she’s changed, and that’s all. I really began to think about it, said it out loud, and all I can do is cry. Things change. People change. Lives change. Relationships change. Friendships change. I change. Everything changes. There’s a constant change in life, in it’s pulse, nothing stays the way it was. If I’ve learnt something, it’s that nothing stays the same. You can get used to it and find comfort and hope in it, or you can fight against it and get lost. Not always is change a bad thing. It might be painful, but in the end not as bad as you thought it would be. Or other way around.

I find hope in thinking that everything happens for a reason and because of things I cannot yet understand. Or for reasons that I will never understand. C'est La Vie.

It’s late. I should sleep.